To me, on December 31, 2004...
Your life is about to change.
Right now, you are celebrating because you fit into those jeans even though you know you shouldn't be losing weight. You're drinking champagne at a New Year's Eve party off campus and really want to chase it with a gallon of water. You woke up last night with terrible leg cramps and your pinkie fingers were tingly all day yesterday. By tomorrow, it will all seem so obvious.
You will cry. You will ask every new doctor who visits your hospital room if the last one was wrong. You won't understand, and you will mourn your state of oblivion. Your parents will mourn, too, and you will cry for their guilt too. Because it's not anyone's fault. You'll learn that type 1 is a numbers game. Dad will get it pretty quickly, as will you. Mom is worried, as she usually is, and overwhelmed - cut her some slack.
When you call Anthony from the hospital, know that he'll be scared too. When you get back to campus, he will look at you like he's trying to figure out if you're okay. Tell him you're okay, because it's the truth. The day you get back to campus is the first day you'll see a normal blood sugar number, so you're feeling pretty confident by now. You will give your future husband his own crash course, and later, your roommates and your friends...and you will feel better knowing that those close to you know what you're dealing with. You will learn about all of this together. They will all look out for you.
Don't get bogged down by the worries and the what-ifs. You will learn so much about yourself. You will learn about nutrition and all of the nuances of how food is used by your body that it will become second nature to you. You will have days when your blood sugar is high for seemingly no reason and you will take too much insulin out of sheer anger that you will then have to treat the resulting low. You'll get the hang of it, most of the time.
Tomorrow, your life will change. But, I promise, you'll be just fine.
Wow, what a great idea for a letter. It sounds like you're doing great, way to go!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful letter. It's so funny how we all have the same symptoms. Glad D blog week could bring us together!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a terrific letter. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you really had seen it back then? But I bet a newly diagnosed person will come across it after searching the internet for information about diabetes, and I know it will be a great comfort the them.
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